How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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