I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
