I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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