When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
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Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
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I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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