dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
