Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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