I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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