dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
