Whod you bang
it's like heaven, but drunker
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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