I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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