im gay
i know
yea but for you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
