now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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