When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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