If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
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There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
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Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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