So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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