like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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