loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
