That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
