Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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