were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
