so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
