the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
