I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
