I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
