He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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