It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
