So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize