I want to make a zoo with you.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
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This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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