Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
