so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
