im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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