Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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