Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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