WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
