I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
