bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
