i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Randomize