do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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