I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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