Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
