what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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