Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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