dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Green mimosas i think yes
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
