So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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