Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
