Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
