i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
