I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
