we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
