come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
