like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
