From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
