wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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