I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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