So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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