I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
