he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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