Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
